At Your Birth Banquet, Judgment is Optional
It’s that time of year—the season of harvest, gravy boats, and your second (or third) helping of your favorite pie. (Please, no pumpkin pie slander in my comments!) Thanksgiving is all about gathering around the table, celebrating abundance, and savoring the flavors that bring us comfort. And if you think about it, planning your birth is a lot like preparing for a Thanksgiving feast: there are choices to make, options to explore, and, ideally, no judgment about how you serve it.
Just like a holiday menu, your birth can include a variety of “dishes.” Maybe you want the full-course experience with an epidural, a doula, and a birthing playlist. Maybe you’re skipping the mashed potatoes and opting for a low-touch, unmedicated birth, focusing on movement and deep breathing. Or maybe you’re somewhere in between—choosing what feels right for you in the moment.
The beauty of your birth banquet is that you get to pick what lands on your plate.
And here’s the secret ingredient: judgment is optional.
Expectant parents often wrestle with what “should” happen—what friends did, what they read online, or what family members insist is best. But your birth is your banquet.
Here are some ways to leave judgment off the table and focus on what you truly want:
Identify your non-negotiables – What aspects of your birth feel most important to you? Is it who is in the room, pain management, or movement freedom? Clarifying your priorities can help guide your choices.
Limit external voices – Social media, well-meaning friends, or family advice can overwhelm. Choose carefully whose input you truly value and who supports your autonomy.
Reframe “what ifs” into options – Instead of asking, “Am I making the wrong choice?” ask, “Does this choice feel right for me today?” Shifting the focus from fear to preference empowers your decisions.
Practice self-compassion daily – Remind yourself that your preferences are valid. Journaling, affirmations, or quiet reflection can help you separate your desires from others’ expectations.
Celebrate flexibility – Birth rarely follows a strict plan. Embracing adaptability allows you to respond to the moment without self-criticism.
Enlist supportive allies – A doula, partner, or trusted friend can help hold space for your choices, gently redirecting you away from judgment or pressure.
Visualize your ideal experience – Spend a few moments imagining your birth as you’d like it: the energy, the atmosphere, and how you want to feel. Let this vision guide your decisions rather than others’ opinions.
This Thanksgiving, as you carve the turkey and pass the rolls, consider this: your birth is your feast. You can savor it, honor it, and make decisions that nourish you, without anyone else’s opinions overshadowing the experience. And just like the perfect holiday meal, the best outcomes come when you focus on what fills you up—not what fills someone else’s expectations.
So set your table, gather your supports, and remember: at your birth banquet, judgment is optional. Gratitude, joy, and a healthy helping of self-trust are the only things required.
